It’s easy to criticize, that’s why I do it; I’m lazy.
It really bugs me when Christian leaders do and say things that shame Christ and his Church. One way they do this is by not being wise as serpents and by that I mean at least as wise as the world. Someday I would like to read a book about marriage written by a Christian that did not speak as if all women are alike and all men are alike. We Christians may not have a good grasp of paleontology but we should understand people. People are our milieu, our maitre, our stock-in-trade even. We really should understand people.
To my daughters, I have explained the differences between men and women this way. Men are taller than women. They really are and that’s the truth. But that doesn’t mean that any particular man is taller than any particular woman. In the context of daughters I was telling them that just because boys on average did better at math didn’t mean that they could not do well at math, and all of the metaphorical maths in the world.
We Christians and especially we evangelical Christians whom I hold dear, need to do better when it comes to writing marriage books. Here is an example from my own marriage. Supposedly it is women who like to go for walks on the beach and have the deep meaningful talks. Not in my marriage. Before I was married I thought marriage would be easy because if talking was all that women wanted I was going to be the world’s greatest husband. Guess what,I’m not the world’s greatest husband. Far more important than if a man is married to a woman is if an introvert is married to an extrovert or messy-vert is married to neat-o-vert and not all men are messy-verts. Even the most sex specific of all traits, visual stimulation, is not very sex specific. One time there was a picture of Bobby Hull (who played hockey until he was 40) in the newspaper, he had his shirt off and was throwing some hay. He had a great body for someone his age. My mom cut the picture out and tacked it to the wall of her office. Even moms like a little visual stimulation. There are many books on personality and any Christian leader who claims to counsel should read several.
We Christians also need to understand mental disorders. We are talking about marriage right now but it has wider applications. I have ADD. It is far more difficult for an ADD person to live with a non-ADD person than it is for a typical man (which I’m not anyway) to live with a typical woman (Which Val isn’t anyway). This has wider applications that should be dealt with somewhere else but for now lets just say that not everyone with a temper has a ‘spiritual problem’. Their spirit may be fine it is their brain chemistry that may be off.
If you want to be any kind of a leader in the Christian community such as preacher, teacher, elder, deacon, Sunday school teacher, or even a lowly blogger you really should have some grasp of this stuff.
Life is not arithmetic; It is calculus and multivariable calculus at that!