Warning to Christian Leaders: This is what I’m talking about.

In my April 8th blog ‘Warning to Christian Men’, I complained about the Evangelical leadership always using marriage courses to tell men how to please women but – it seems to me – never telling women how to please men.  This is an example of what I’m talking about.

I subscribe to the promise keepers daily devotional.  The theme this week is Christian Marriage.  On May 4th this Christian leader equates a hobby or working hard at a job with having an affair.

I’ve seen too many men end up with a destroyed marriage because of an affair, and I’m not talking about another woman. They have an affair with their job, their hobby, the Internet, their friends, or the like.

In other words it’s a sin.  On May 2nd the same writer tells men that

“Well, it simply means it may not be wise to take everything your wife says as reflecting what she’s really thinking or feeling.

Does he ever accuse women of lying? No! Because of the double standard that exists in today’s Christianity against men. When the woman actually lies it is not a lie but when the man has a hobby it’s an affair.

I wish someone would tell Christian women that putting the kids ahead of the husband is the same as having an affair because they all do it. Or putting the church ahead of the husband.  I expect to hear that sermon some time after Hell freezes over.

Leaders of Christendom you have to deal with this. Someone has to stand up for men and do it in a way that the zeitgeist accepts. If it were me I would say “Look ladies, we’re men. Get over it.”  But I can hear it now. The women would say ‘just like a man’ and the preacher would say ‘Joel I detect a spiritual problem, why don’t you come to my office and talk about it.’ 

I understand the problem that Christian leaders have. They, like everyone else are influenced by the times.  On top of that there is a selection bias among Christian leaders. They are usually drawn from the ranks of successful preachers. To be a successful preacher requires that a man be somewhat feminine.  To be a good preacher you need to be a good talker and to be a good pastor you need to be compassionate. These are traditionally feminine characteristics. I think this makes it hard for preachers to appreciate the difficulties of being a regular man with a regular job. (or a not regular job) On top of that, who is it that comes to the pastor for counselling? It is always women who tell how terrible their husbands are.  Phooey.  

For reference: more of the above quotes.

Here’s a big step to consider. No husband can know what his wife is thinking even if he thinks he does. What’s the point of saying this? Well, it simply means it may not be wise to take everything your wife says as reflecting what she’s really thinking or feeling. In other words, don’t take it for granted that you know what she is thinking or feeling just because that’s what she says she’s thinking or feeling. Does that make sense? If you’ve been married for a while, you’ve probably discovered this phenomenon even if it doesn’t make sense. So, what’s the action step?

H. Norman Wright in Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife

It’s difficult for your wife to feel special if you’re not around her that much. I’ve seen too many men end up with a destroyed marriage because of an affair, and I’m not talking about another woman. They have an affair with their job, their hobby, the Internet, their friends, or the like. An affair can occur whenever you take the time and energy that rightfully belongs to your wife and invest it elsewhere. [But you make your wife feel special when you put her near the top of the list of priorities rather than at the bottom.]

H. Norman Wright in Bringing Out the Best in Your Wife

I’m sure this guy means well be just doesn’t get it.

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