This story below is from a good friend who has struggled mightly with depression. It is worth reading.
Recently, the daughter of a man I work with ended her own life. Several years ago, I also worked with the girl, herself. She was pretty and always had a smile.
And, unlike many girls who work in industry, this girl also looked natural in safety boots. I told her she reminded me of my wife. “The difference between you and the other girls who work here,” I told her, “is, you make those work boots look good!” Nevertheless, I encouraged her to get back in school and study hard. She said she intended to.
I saw her briefly, just a couple of months ago, but had little time to talk. Of course, I asked her how school was going. She was still smiling and gave no indication things could be so tough. Mind you, some years ago a young man I knew put a bullet in his brain, because his girlfriend broke up with him. He had partied with friends that very night and no one knew anything was wrong enough to warrant that kind of action. I told his friend, “If I had only known, I’d have knocked him out and locked him in a closet till he came to his senses!” But, no one knew.
I often describe depression as having an allergic reaction to your feelings. A bee sting hurts anyone. But, if you’re allergic to bee stings, just one might be enough to kill you. Similarly, everyone hurts when bad things happen to them. But, if you suffer from depression, just one bad thing might be enough to kill you.
If I had only known, I’d have wrapped my arms around this girl and held her until she came to her senses. But, no one knew, or – I’m certain – her father and mother would have done the same.
The guys at work said it must take a lot of nerve for a body to end his, or her own life. On the contrary, if you suffer from depression, it takes nerve to go on living. It takes nerve and intestinal fortitude to live with that much pain.
I’d like to leave you all with one thought. Think of how you would feel if you bought someone an expensive present. You had sacrificed and put a lot of time, effort and thought into getting this person just the perfect gift. Then, you gave it to him and he threw it in the garbage. He didn’t want it. How would you feel?
Now, think about Heavenly Father. Only He can give Life and it’s a wonderful gift. And, even though Heavenly Father has infinite capacity to love and to forgive, would you have the nerve to hurt Him that much? For my part, I could not bear to see the hurt in His eyes as I told Him, “I didn’t want it.”
I doubt God punishes the terminally depressed for suicide, just as I can’t see Him punishing the terminally (physically) ill for dying of something like cancer. That’s not my point. I’ve heard many people say they feared seeing the hurt and disappointment in their father’s eyes, far more than they feared his punishment. That’s what I’m talking about.
Death will keep you from having to see the hurt in the eyes of those you leave behind. But, nothing can save you from having to see your Heavenly Father’s hurt. If you have reached the point where you would do anything to end the pain – or you have the privilege of being the confidant of someone who has reached that point – it’s something to think about.